Friday, March 17, 2017


Well, it's been a long winter--and it's not over yet by any means.

I've spent the last hour prepping for Poetry Month, so be assured there will be stuff popping up regularly here in April.

Otherwise, the worldwide news is dire. Trump's doing his best to kill us all one way or another. Local elections are coming up and we've got some Dark Ages people running for mayor, council, and school board.

Good news is that Beast is home, and a little over 2 weeks into his carpal tunnel/ulnar nerve surgery recovery. He's still having massive pain in his left shoulder--which we now know is due to a torn labrum AND a torn rotator cuff. His lower back is fubar too, and he can't feel his feet. He uses a cane all the time now. The upside of all of this is that he hasn't really been drinking. He "found" a place to walk to not far from the library, but his tolerance is so low that he only got a couple of swigs in before he passed out with the bottle in his lap (uncapped). This was before surgery, and he's been too zonked from surgical stuff to be out and about much till later this week. So he's dry. And intent on getting to meetings when he can.

I'm ok. Tired all the time. In fact, yesterday I overslept, waking up at 8:45. So I called in and pled illness, read for awhile, and went back to sleep till 11:30. Then I was up for awhile and went back to bed at 2 for a 2-hour nap. Beast stayed in bed till 12:15 and then woke me up for dinner. Then we were both back to sleep probably by 9 or so.

I do feel better today. Not sure what that whole mess was yesterday: sore, achy muscles and what felt like a massive allergy attack.

On that note, however, I think it behooves me to head upstairs and go to bed. I have laundry and house-cleaning to deal with tomorrow.
Tuesday, November 15, 2016


I feel like this has become my Vent Blog.

So, last Monday I took Beast to a treatment facility about 45 minutes from here--we are fortunate that we have several options from which to choose within an hour or so--and left him there for the foreseeable future for rehab. He got blitzed about 3 weeks ago. He can barely walk and can't drive, but somehow he managed the 1/4-1/2-mile walk to the nearest mini-mart and bought himself a bottle of vodka. I worked till 9 that night, so came home to find him "asleep" in the chair with half a bottle left. He finished most of that before going up to bed. And STUPID ensued.

Next morning I told him to pick an option: he moves out, I move out, or he goes to rehab till it sticks.

He made all the calls and did most of the legwork on scheduling and organizing. Because we have private insurance, there was a bed available right away. They took him back to do the intake interview, finished that up, came back out with the meds he's NOT allowed on site (they're opiate painkillers, so pretty unsafe to have around, so we get it completely), and that was it. No interview for me, just "say goodbye" so we did. Weird. He has called a couple of times, and I took one of his AA sponsors over Sunday with me for Family Education and Visiting Hours. I told someone the place is like a combination of tiny college campus + prison: lovely setting, nice housing, and extremely scheduled time. And no money. Bartering is done with hard candy and food in the cafeteria: my breakfast eggs for your toast, my tuna sandwich for a haircut.

He's been fighting for a week to get his back pain addressed. Because he was taking opioids, they wanted him drug-free to assess whether it was an addiction to painkillers. [It's not.] In the meantime, he was getting OTC Tylenol by the handful. Not good. I think, as of Friday, they've finally figured out that the pain, she is real, and are giving him something else that's at least less-addictive (or non-addictive). He was pretty dire Sunday still. Lousy sleep, bad pain, lots of bounce-back from changing meds, and just crabby about everything.

Saturday was my birthday. He tried to make me a present the day before he left. It's a total failure. He didn't get a card, can't buy or mail anything from the facility, and so the day passed completely without fanfare. Sparky IM'd me to "sing," as did Jen, and I got a card from my sister, though I didn't pick that up till yesterday because it went to the P.O. box. Oh, and Beast called and wished me happy birthday in a 2 minute and 27 second call. I helped with Operation Christmas Child packing during the day as I do around this time every year, so that was a good-enough birthday present to myself.

My other me-gift was a note to everyone in both immediate families detailing what's been going on. A couple people knew some of it, but others had no idea. I'm done hiding out in my family. Just so very done. I heard from several people, all messages of support and even a couple of phone calls. I've missed being able to talk straight with everyone.

I'm debating whether I want to send Beast a card--his birthday is Friday--and I'm thinking not. Not out of retaliation exactly, but he bailed on Valentine's Day, anniversary AND birthday this year because he's so wrapped up in his own drama. I'll see him on Sunday. Or Monday. But I'm really tired of the universe spinning around him. For our counseling visit on Sunday, "we" talked about his pain relief issues and frustrations. The counselor asked me to start if I had any questions or concerns, and I mentioned the pain thing and he took the ball and ran with it for the rest of our allotted time. He's such a middle-aged-white-guy. Welcome to how the rest of the world has to interact with bureaucracy EVERY DAY!

Part of that last bit can be attributed to the horrific election results and all the White Boys on both sides of the political divide moaning and whining about how upsetting something is to them. SHUT THE FUCK UP, men! Really. You've had your centuries to talk and run things, but you have managed to do nothing but fuck things up. Let some women and minorities in the door, sit down and LISTEN.

OK. So last week sucked. It's pretty strange that with all my crying skills, I really have yet to shed many tears over anything this month. Once it all actually hits, in my usual delayed reaction awareness, it's going to SUUUUUCK!!

This weekend, I over-indulged in junk food and for the first time in my life actually made myself sick. I had to leave work early yesterday with a gurgly stomach, and--work being as it has been for awhile now--I'm not sure I'm up to ever going back. I suppose I have to, since I'm the sole breadwinner now. I stayed home today in any case. There are sheets in the dryer, I've looked at the bank statements to be sure I don't have any late bills, and I've caught up on Facebook. I'm going to finish this up and read some Beowulf. Clean out the fridge. Look for my P.E.O. pin. Figure out Thanksgiving planning. Vacuum the basement--which Beast was going to do before he left but ended up spending hours on this stupid project for my birthday. Put shit way. Figure out how to manage 2 toddlers in this not-child-proofed house. Take a nap. I'm supposed to be taking care of myself, right? So that's my nod to those directions that everyone has given me!

Sunday, October 16, 2016

Wrong number mail

Some recent email I've received that isn't meant for me:
from: PayPal Statements
reply-to: PayPal Statements
to: [me]
subject: Susan W[...], your January account statement is here
mailed-by: [...]
Signed by: [...]

Hello Susan W[...],

Your account statement lets you view and quickly keep track of your account activity for the previous month.
You can access your statement when logged in to your account simply by clicking Statements under My Account.
Log in to view now
This was followed quickly by an email about a purchase on eBay. I hope Susan got her stuff....

+ + + + + + + + + + + + +
from: nc[...]
reply-to: jia[...]
to: fartanear lannypants [...]
subject: 001

What happen?No reply from you again, fartanear lannypants ,reply now
This is classic spam/phishing, but I had to save it for the fartanear lannypants business. lol

+ + + + + + + + + + + + +
from: [...] St.George [...]
to: [a LONG list of people's personal email addresses that I could spam the hell out of forever...if I were evil, including Louise [...], who has been given my email address here]
subject: FW: my GOOD news!
: Important mainly because of the words in the message.

Message from Jan [...]

Submitted by [...] St. George
Dear Ladies,
I am praising the Lord as I just found out this morning that I passed the comprehensive exam!!! The head of the program called to tell me that my advisor read my answers and said they were ALL strong... I am praising God for His help, for His faithfulness, for His grace, and for His mercy. God gave me Joshua 1:9 for this task, and I claimed that verse every time I was feeling overwhelmed, and discouraged. "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and be courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for I am with you where ever you go." That is so very true, our Father, our Abba, is with us where ever we go, and yet He tells us to go to Him for strength and courage so that we will not be frightened by whatever task comes our way. I know that this test had me dismayed (the old English understanding of the word is "to be shaken..."), but God told me to keep working, and He certainly helped me along the way!
To Him alone be the glory. THANK YOU for your prayers on behalf of this challenge, you are a blessing to me!
My love,
Hmm, well, lovely. I hope someone told Louise.This was followed a couple of days later by this:
from: [...]
to: [that same LONG list of people's personal email addresses]
subject: RE: Encouraging Update!
Signed by:
: Important mainly because of your interaction with messages in the conversation.

Praise the Lord!

Looking forward to the study of Hebrews.
From: [...] St.George [mailto: [...]]
To: [a LONG list of people's personal email addresses
Subject: FW: Encouraging Update!
Letter from Jan [...]
Submitted by [...] St. George
Dear Ladies,
I submitted my prospectus on Tuesday and thought I would have changes to make, but my advisor sent it back with his support and will submit it to the committee that needs to approve the plan. When the advisor has accepted the prospectus, it's pretty much a clear road to then begin the necessary research for the dissertation!! I just heard back today from my advisor and am singing the Hallelujah Chorus. I am very thankful for God's help and His wisdom with the plan and what is ahead! THANK YOU for praying for me with the work I needed to do for this. There were many times when my "thinking" was not my own, it was very obvious that the Lord God Almighty was helping me all along the way.
I have "completed" (mostly) the lessons for Hebrews chapters 1 to 9, and now have time to make progress on this!!! Pray for me as I spend time in Hebrews every day, what a blessing it has been to put this study together. Our Lord is so good.
My love,
The reason Gmail decided this was important is that I did reply to these to say, "hey, this is great, but I'm not Louise!" And then I stopped getting them.

+ + + + + + + + + + + + +
from: The MENTOR Network [...]
to: Cynthia [...] [...]
subject: Job Posting Notification
Signed by: 

Dear Cynthia:
A job opening matching your profile for a position of Mental Health Worker/Family Support Specialist - Bethlehem, PA-[job #] has just been posted in our Career Section.
If you would like to apply online, click here or click Jobs to consult the list of other positions currently available.
If you do not wish to receive further job posting notifications, unsubscribe now. You can subscribe again later, while applying for a position or reviewing your profile.
We thank you for your interest in The MENTOR Network.
If you would like, you can review your candidate file and set your account preferences by accessing the My Account page.
Best regards,
Human Resources
The MENTOR Network
This communication is informational only, replies to this message are undeliverable and will not reach Human Resources. Please do not reply.
I hope Cynthia found a job. I unsubscribed my email address from this notification thing. And I don't live anywhere near Bethlehem, PA, nor do I wish to consider a job in Mental Health and/or Family Support.

+ + + + + + + + + + + + +
from: IKEA USA
reply-to: IKEA USA
to: [...]
subject: Thank you for your purchase
encryption: None

Hey DANIEL, thank you for your visit!

All products Special offers! Living room Bedroom Kitchen Children's Textiles IKEA
Thank you for shopping at IKEA Elizabeth
Congratulations on your 1st purchase as an IKEA FAMILY member
My account: Log in
Email: [...]@GMAIL.COM
My preferred store:
IKEA Elizabeth, NJ
My communications:
Email SMS Catalog
Complete profile
FAMILY card MEMBER since 10/13/2013
Card#: [...]290751
Don't forget! Your purchase with the IKEA FAMILY card has 90 day price protection. If you see a lower advertised price within 90 days of your purchase, just bring your receipt to the returns desk at your IKEA store to claim your adjustment.
Questions about IKEA FAMILY? Comments? Call our dedicated IKEA FAMILY Customer Service line: 1-877-666-4532.
Thank you again and we look forward to seeing you soon.
IKEA Elizabeth
Oh, Daniel of Elizabeth, NJ, far far away from me, please tell me that Ikea has tracked you down!!

+ + + + + + + + + + + + +
from: craigslist - automated message, do not reply
to: [...]
subject: POST/EDIT/DELETE: small room for rent bills paid (rooms & shares)
Signed by:
encryption: Standard (TLS)


If not clickable, please copy and paste the address to your browser:
THIS LINK IS A PASSWORD. DO NOT SHARE IT - anyone who has a copy of this link can edit or delete your posting.[...]cKhA/9d83c
PLEASE KEEP THIS EMAIL - you may need it to manage your posting!
Your posting will expire off the site 45 days after it was created.
Thanks for using craigslist!
Great. Thanks for that link so I can edit an ad about which I know nothing. However, if you're looking for a place in San Antonio, TX (also not where I live):
small room for rent. $350.00 +deposit. a/c, furn, must have prove of income and valid ID. smoking outside only. no pets due to my allergies. no illegal drugs or alcoholic beverages allowed.

+ + + + + + + + + + + + +
from: A[...] and C[...] [...]
to: [...]
subject: Eggs
Signed by:
encryption: Standard (TLS)
: Important mainly because of the people in the conversation.


May I have 4 packs of eggs tomorrow?
Ah, this is just totally sweet. I hope A & C got their eggs another way.

I have over 90 other emails in my "wrong number" folder. Not a week goes by when I don't get the most random stuff....
Sunday, September 4, 2016

Short update post-Tuesday

Beast was fortunate (?) enough to have all the charges reduced to misdemeanors--DWI and disturbing the peace, rather than DUI and resisting arrest--on Friday. The police screwed the pooch in collecting evidence and not allowing him insulin, plus he took all his paperwork from rehab and meetings and so forth to show good faith in trying to fix himself. And the fact that he'd been fired carried some weight too.

So, we're packing and cleaning and prepping for tomorrow's departure. Beast paid all the bills, emailed all the car rental, airport transpo, and other updates to me and Sparky. He also sent a final email to our AirBnB host, and repacked his backpack, changing it out from work-based to vacation travel. The first-aid kit he takes when he travels has been updated.

He has been sore and limping all day--hips are achy--and about half an hour ago, he finally admitted that he was ready for bed. But he wants to see the NASCAR race. It's less than half over right now. The fast part, in other words, is over. It could be another 90 minutes before racing ends. He should go to bed. My job is to STFU and let him mind his own business.

We had to go buy a third rollaboard today on the way home because we realized that Sparky doesn't have one. So that was extra walking, because of course luggage is in the #@*!*ing furthest corner from the entrance of the store.

Anyway. I've been sparking low-level anxiety attacks for about two hours now. This is about when I start melting down prior to every vacation, but this is mostly focused today on worrying about Beast. Some of the behavior he exhibits when he's tired like this is the same kind of behavior he has when he's been drinking so that's really the majority of the problem for me. At least he's eating some dinner now though. That will help. And his affect/mood isn't like when he's drinking. So it's ghosts and my imagination that are making me slightly manic.

Also, I think I just realized today that I'm not going to see my sister. Usually when flying to England, she's "home base." This will be the second visit since her funeral, and it keeps hitting home that she . will . not . be . there.

I sometimes wonder if I have the slowest Reality Awareness filter ever created. I mean, she died SIX YEARS AGO and I'm just figuring this out??

So yeah. Having now gone back in time to reread old blog posts, and looked at my Family page here...I need to do some work on cleanup there. People will keep having babies!
Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Continuing in a series of extremely sporadic updates..........

Mostly this post is for putting my thoughts together, something I'm increasingly needing--and not wanting--to do. I've been trying to practice the One Day, One Minute principles, except when I have to think about wider- and longer-term stuff because reality.

So in the past month:
  • Beast got stopped out of state and cited for DUI and resisting arrest. He spent the night in jail. Even though he, and I the next morning, told the jail he is diabetic, he received no insulin until after his court appearance at 1 p.m., about 24 hours after his last injection.
  • He was 'grounded' from travel at work. He drives a company car and because it was damaged--rear-view mirror knocked off--they didn't want him driving at all. So we rented a car for him.
  • Boss seems to be behind him, working to see what he can do to keep Beast in the game. He's been a good supervisor through all of the drama of the past 3 years.
  • In the process of this 'resisting' he is accused of, the officers threw him to the ground and sat on him. His neck, back, shoulders are incredibly sore, and remain so. We're both worried about damage being done to his neck implants, but it's his lower back that hurts most.
  • First time back with his attorney at the courthouse went well, more or less. He hired a local attorney to help him figure out all the complications at this end of the driver licensing stuff that may come out of the court findings at trial in [other state].
  • He starts intensive, daily AA meetings, and then gets back into outpatient rehab: 9-12 every week day.
  • The morning of his third day of rehab, he has a work telecon he's asked to attend. Pretty normal stuff. Except this one starts out with his boss and a guy from HR telling him they're firing him. He's to send back his phone, computer, printer...and someone will be coming to get the car. (this was 8/22) 22 years at the same company.
  • Last Thursday, I discover him asleep in the living room with an (empty) bottle of vodka on his lap. He, understandably but infuriatingly, bought it Monday. He tells a mutual (AA) friend over the weekend, however, he's got 30 days in program. I'm not entirely sure that all 30 days 'count' when you've been drinking at least for four of them. But whatever. He has a sponsor and he's a lot clearer on staying sober than he has been for awhile.
  • We're leaving on vacation 9/5, overseas. His next (last, hopefully) court appearance out of state is 9/2. They could remand him. They could also tell him he can't leave the country. We don't know. If he doesn't go, Sparky and I have to figure out renting and driving a car in England on our own. Yes, we'll be going, because my nephew is getting married 9/9.
  • I'm attending every damned Al-Anon meeting since this started. It's helping. I'm not freaking out. Only my boss and two coworkers know the details of all of this. My sponsors and other Al-Anon people. A couple of very good friends know some parts of it. My family knows NOTHING. Honestly, there's nothing for them to know until WE know what the court decides. ... Well, I guess they need to know he's unemployed.
That's my life right now. Getting through the days, hour by hour. Woke up in a panic attack this morning, but there's nothing I can do, so I chanted the Serenity Prayer in my head and it eased a bit. Next thing is going to work and getting through my day. A LOT of important stuff is getting passed by because I just can't. I'm barely keeping my head above water, so there's a lot of prayer and a lot of inaction otherwise. This might be the true meaning of "the wheels fell off" my life.
Sunday, June 12, 2016
I haven't been over here in eons, but I feel like I need to scream into the void.

I'm very very tired of my life right now.
Don't worry--that's not suicidal tiredness. I'm tired of having to be the grownup, sensible person all the time.

Being a grownup is over-rated.

Oh well, at least right now I really couldn't possible care less if I've pissed someone off. Cuz I'm pretty irritated at the fact that my Sunday night just imploded in sticky little pieces. Fortunately, clean-up-able pieces, but still.

Silver lining: the new person at last week's Tuesday meeting ... is my neighbor. Whose name is (almost) the same as mine, and whose husband is named the same as mine. And shares the same addiction as mine.

So yay for that!!
Saturday, December 26, 2015


This blog stands a very good chance of--at least in the short term--very much more of a rant blog. I've been called on the carpet yet again for poor communication and lack of tact and general 'meanness' at work.

The latest spark was a convoluted series of events including being very understaffed in Technical Services staff this month, an email asking everyone to please hold off on any new projects that will involve T.S., and finding an email last week when I was off-work from the children's librarian announcing a Big New Fucking Project That Totally Involves T.S.

My original email (the topical part of it):
...Can I request that any project-y stuff in Tech Svc that we've been discussing be postponed a bit till we know what we're doing going forward? I'm not even sure what that entails--all I can think of is "Star Wars"--but if you have other stuff...maybe file it for now?

Last Wednesday's email from Children's Librarian (again just the topical part):
[YA Librarian] started weeding J Fiction for me. We are changing our series over to the same style as the Young Adult department. That means all our series books will have labels like this:
Book Number
After some thought, I've decided that all of our series will be like this. I'll update you as [YA Librarian] gets farther along.

For clarification, Technical Service is where all the cataloging, labeling, stamps, etc. etc. happens. So all the new stuff coming in will need to be changed. This is a massive project that absolutely changes how we work. It doesn't necessarily mean more work per se, but there are changes that need to be made--and I don't want to spend time redoing a bunch of labels on things that are currently sitting in the back waiting for attention. In fairness, we had discussed this project about a month ago, but were holding off for now.

My reply (the one I sent--not the 3 or 4 I deleted because they were out of line) to the to librarians involved, and my boss:
When was the new labeling decision made? Tech Services absolutely cannot be left out of this process.

The email I then sent just to my boss:
Did you know this decision had been made?? I certainly didn't. And it certainly affects how Tech Services work is done. Frankly, I'm furious. We absolutely cannot add any more work to our process right now per my email last week.

Frankly, this is far from the first time [Children's Librarian] has made decisions that blow our (T.S.'s) work out of the water, and this is the straw that just broke my calm. The last think we need at this point is another unconsidered decision piled on when we are short-staffed and -houred anyway. But she tends to do this and I'm tired of it.

That's all. Good thing I'm at home today.

Reply from the boss:
Did I know? Yes and no. [Children's Librarian] and I talked about doing this, in a theoretical sense, a few months back-- I think you were actually there for some/all of it. And I approved of the switch as something to work toward, since I do think that the labeling system we used in YA is the best way to go with all of our series, regardless of material/location. I did not know they were at the point of moving forward with it, though, no.

However, talking with [Children's and YA Librarians], they assure me that this will have virtually no impact on you or technical services. Which is why they were going ahead with it without consulting you, or me for that matter. I have expressed to [Children's Librarian] the very real and strong need to communicate with me about things like this prior to initiating them, in part to avoid the type of misunderstanding we are having here. In part to make sure there isn't something they are missing in the process. And in part, just to be respectful of her coworkers. She gets that. She apologized for blindsiding us.

For now, I have given [YA Librarian] the green light to keep working on the prep stuff-- getting some of the series together, figuring out what the labels will be and the like-- while holding off on tweaking the [database] entries until you have a chance to review what they plan on doing and weigh in on the discussion. If, in fact, this has virtually no impact on "you and yourn", I have no problem with the project proceeding. If there is more impact than they realized, we will put a hold on it until things have settled out on the staffing side, particularly in your area.

I replied to him with this:
Yes, I was there for the 'theoretical' discussion awhile back. I knew it was coming. And that is precisely why I sent the email last week saying something to the effect of "no no projects." Apparently, that's not clear enough. And to start it up while I'm gone, which at least LOOKS like she waited for me to not be available to question her.

The immediate effects of starting to work on this right now have more to do with the fact that if we get new series books in, I'd prefer not to relabel them. So, having a look over [the processing] carts--and mine--and pulling off series titles would be helpful in that regard. Also, shifting the way I look at the kids' books as they come through going forward. [Tech Service staff] need to be up to speed on what the labels will look like. We haven't even had a discussion of this type! "Virtually no impact" my left elbow! What do they think we do all day?

Also, from a purely financial point of view, we'll need to stock up on labels again. They do cost money, along with the label covers.

I'm just gobsmacked that there's this complete lack of empathy, awareness, however you look at it....amazing.

So that's where it sat. I posted something on Facebook about not liking it when I get blindsided, ignored, and mentioned the apparent "wait till Cat. isn't here to start mixing things up" thing. I worked with the Children's Librarian on Sunday. She said nothing apologetic to me at all, so I didn't bring up the topic.

The boss's intro to my (one-month late midyear) review was, "So how do you feel about your communications last week about this issue?" [hackles rising, I look for a trap] "I thought it was pretty calm, considering what I didn't send!" He then pulls out these words as clubs: "over-reaction", "paranoid", "defensive", "hurtful comments", "poor communication skills", "angry." He suggested enlisting our Employee Assistance Program to get therapy. He told me that it might actually be easier if I was just angry all the time instead of "everyone" not knowing when I was going to "overreact" to something. Mind you, not one specific example of "over-reaction" and "paranoia" prior to this mare's nest was mentioned, not one concrete option beyond the EAP was suggested (I've been in therapy that started with EAP over two years ago, I just changed and upped the amount of anti-depressants I take daily, and I go to two Al-Anon meetings a week, which I told him after his suggestion of therapy). I asked him three times, "What, specifically, do you want me to change? I am doing my best to not discuss anything not work-related with people here. I'm not gossiping. I'm not 'yelling' at people for being noisy in the workroom. I try to keep up on changes that are made every 10 seconds without communication. I'm doing my best. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?"

Apparently someone showed him what I posted on Facebook--he's not on my usual distrib list because this sort of BS has come up in the past about my opinions about City stuff. My Facebook post "makes the library look bad." O--Kayyy. I came home that night and put everyone I work with except two people into "Acquaintance-Land" on Facebook so they will see what the Boss sees now, i.e. not much. He asked if I would apologize for that post on Facebook, and my reply was, "Sure, but I'm not instigating it, because I didn't stir this up to start with." In other words, I'll apologize when I receive one. Still nothing from the Children's Librarian.

As stunned as I was after the original email from her, I am flabbergasted that he can't seem to understand that there are two different games being played here. If I have a problem with someone on staff, or rather with something someone is doing, I talk to them. I do not, ever, run up to his office and whine and complain about how horrible that person is. I actually truly like the people I work with, all of them, and I think they're all good people working toward the same goals. Yes, I vent to him occasionally--that's what those emails to him alone were, venting--but I never, EVER expect him to act on the venting. I've told him that multiple times. It's a point of pride that I don't go up the ladder till I've exhausted my own resources in problem-solving. And it pisses me off no end that apparently other people do, and he listens to them, and gets himself involved in solving the problem.

### Break ###

OK, I needed to get this vented. It kept me awake for a couple (more) hours last night and I need to drop it and focus on work on Monday. And on having a good post-Christmas weekend, too.

Going forward, my plan is to continue the work-only communication, my counting-to-ten (or thiry-four-hundred) every time I feel my blood pressure rising, removing myself from situations that are "not my circus, not my monkeys," not gossiping. Ultimately, what the boss wants is for me to treat my coworkers like I treat the library patrons. Since I'm cordial and impersonal with them, that's where I'm headed with coworkers. Totally unsatisfying, but if that's what he wants, that's what he gets. As I told Beast, my new MO upon walking into work is "Showtime!" This is how I've approached work on days I knew were going to be particularly hectic--i.e. Sundays--but now I guess I'm just going to be "always on."
Thursday, December 17, 2015

The Saga Continues....

No, not that one.

This is the one about Beast's shoulder/back/pain.

Shortest possible version: we saw the surgeon who did his lower back surgery a few years ago on Monday morning at 8 a.m. Due to holidays etc. the doctor warned us that the earliest possible date for surgery would be the second week of January but his scheduler will call and get it set up. It's Thursday late morning and Beast has called 3 times and left messages and we still haven't heard from this fantasy creature. Today he stopped on the way home from another errand for a refill on his pain Rx (prescribed by this doctor). Walgreen's wouldn't refill it because he was too early: he's been taking 4/day for two months, but for reasons unknown to us at this point, the last script was written for 2/day. Without letting us know. Clearly an error. But as it's a controlled substance, we have to dance around the office staff to get it sorted out. As I was typing that, Beast called the office and they didn't pick up. Apparently, they're at lunch, at 11:30.

Mind you, the slightly longer version is that we've had to drive an hour (one-way) TWICE in the past month to get this prescription refilled because ... Controlled Substance, new script from doctor needed for every re-up (i.e., no refills), whatever whatever, and he wasn't at his nearer-to-us-office for 4 days either time. Obviously, the last time they fucked up the dosage and neither of us thought to check, and Walgreen's didn't catch/mention it. Neither did the doctor on Monday when we were there.

So frustrated. So very very tired. And the pain that Beast was in on October 13 when we went to the ER has not abated, in fact has become worse over the intervening 2 months. He's lost the feeling in over half his dominant hand and forearm so he can't write, he's got no stamina or strength (compared to the norm), and he's lost nearly 20 lbs. because of the medicine eating his stomach. He's hanging by a thin thread, and I'm not feeling overly secure either. Not feeling very Christmas-y at all.
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