Sunday, February 23, 2014


I should be working on this morning's Sunday School lesson, or at least settling on what I'm doing with the (probably small turnout) class today, but I had a thought.

You know when you get together with a friend who brings along some friends of his* own and it brings some deeper understanding of your friend? You get to see how he^ interacts with others, you get to meet some potentially cool people--I mean, after all, they are people someone you like has chosen to spend time with so you should have stuff in common--and maybe make some new friends of your own. This is the expected outcome, I think, in gatherings of this sort.

So, what does it mean when you come across someone in the Friend of a Friend situation that you absolutely loathe? Like, on sight. And then he^ opens his* mouth and confirms that he^ is worthy only of being swatted or ignored at best. And once you've been introduced he^ ignores you and prates on and on about how wonderful your mutual friend is in every way. Which, technically, of course is true. I mean you both like this friend, right? But suddenly you are questioning your friend's judgment in the friend-making department and wondering if you also are a complete jackass.

It's even worse when you have a good friend who is married to an asshat. Or, in my case--though this is NOT where this thought originated--a sister whose husband needs to be dropkicked into oblivion.

What does one do when one sees a friend being toadied to? Agree with the toad? Ignore the toad? Argue with the toad? There's no win-win solution and I just end up feeling weirdly distanced and disconnected from my friend and sort of jealous and weird and insecure and middle-school-y.

Which brings me full-circle to the need to do some work on Sunday School stuff.

* or her
^ or she
Both done for ease since having to write "he or she" in every case would be ludicrous and I just can't deal with "they" all the time. In this case, it got kind of convoluted writing "they" anyway.

2 thing(s) to say:

amy said...

You know how some people like Reese's for the chocolate, and some for the peanut butter? You've got to assume that your mutual friend likes you for all the right reasons, and hangs on to this other individual for...nostalgia. Or convenience. Or some other thing that's harder to explain but works for them and has ZERO to do with what's going on between you'all.

Otherwise, it becomes too much brain-pain and worrying. And toads.

Cat. said...

What I need to remember is that when I'm feeling that middle-school-y feeling, I need to step back and do a reality check. Then again, that's when I'm feeling the most defensive which isn't ideal for stepping back.

As in many things, you have given me a new viewpoint from which to see this situation. Thank you. Back to my regularly-scheduled neuroses now....

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