Monday, December 26, 2011

It's too early to go to bed

I woke up this morning at 9:15, so it's far too early for me to hit the sheets. However, the rest of the humans are already in bed, and even the guinea pigs are eerily quiet. I'm a little bored. A little antsy. And little...piqued.

My mouth hurts. I wasn't able to get hold of the dentist today, even to leave a message, because their phone tripped right over into that fast busy signal that indicates problems on the line.

I can feel several things hanging off my shoulder to be worried about soon: new insurance in 6 days, new prescriptions need to written and sent for mail-order delivery, new schedule at work, family arriving this weekend. And there are the more immediate worries that I'm adamantly trying not to dwell on because they are more serious than any of the above, with no real good solutions. I'm in a quandary about some stuff and don't like any of the outcomes I see. The fact that I can't control any of it, not really, is making me cranky, bitter, sad, and defeated. And it's all just in time for the onset of the worst part of the year in terms of SAD. This must be the part of middle age that just sucks: the reality that the easiest years of life are over and everything to come is complicated and potentially difficult, with traps and mires everywhere both visible and sneaky. I don't like it.

This week is going to be a little bumpy at work as well. There are quite a few people on vacation, so I'll be pulling more public hours. The boss is probably back in more regularly after several weeks off on vacation and then ill, so she'll need hand-holding as she gets up to speed. My desk is a mess--I haven't properly cleared it off and cleaned it in months, possibly over a year, and it is making me a little nuts. {And let's not even discuss the state of my desk at home...because it's at the point that a lit match may be the only way to deal with it...}

I want to get my plane ticket and hotel sorted out for ALA Midwinter next month. It's another one of those things hanging off my right shoulder about ear level, floating, waiting to pounce and cause a total mental meltdown.

I miss my dad today, too, and Beast's dad. And, more unusually, my mom. There are a lot of days that I think of her--this is one of them--and wonder how the hell she did it. As fraught as our relationship was, I knew she didn't have a particularly easy life. How did she manage to keep her body and soul together when things were falling apart around her so often? That is something I never thought to ask her, and now, when I need to know the answer, it's a little hard to hear her voice. Yeah, right: my tooth hurts, so I want my mommy, OK?

And all of this on a day when I actually accomplished some stuff: Sparky has two new pairs of shoes (Christmas presents) purchased at Famous Footwear this morning, I have 'provisions' in for the week, I actually cooked dinner tonight using a new recipe for something I can't find my old standby recipe for--and even though I boiled over the white sauce in the microwave, I managed to salvage dinner well enough for it to be edible--and we watched Harry Potter...Hallows...2 so I can return it to the library tomorrow FINALLY. It's only 2 weeks-ish overdue!

Perhaps it is time for me to go to bed. I think two Tylenol PMs should help me immeasurably: take away the tooth pain and relax me enough to banish the bogeymen (i.e. worries) for a few hours.

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