Wednesday, July 3, 2013

It's gonna be like that, is it?

So, I've failed to follow through on Poetry Month in April and the Blog Challenge last month. We are all now perfectly clear on one of my biggest character flaws: I have a tendency to start projects with a big ol' bang and then fizzle out in the middle.

I assure you, there are exceptions. This year, though, seems to be the year of no-follow-through. I'm feeling it in my interpersonal relationships, outside the family. I'm feeling it a little at work--I bailed on that class I was taking in April, as well as the Poetry Month--and I'm definitely feeling it in blogland. Even Facebook and Goodreads, and other online locales, are getting short shrift.

And of course, my house. My poor, not-very-clean house, and projects that have been lying around since Christmas. I can hear the piper's tune getting angrier. I know that at some point I'll have to pay him. I'm guessing along about September 15 the shit's going to hit the fan and I'm going to commence Full Panic Stations at Red Alert (because that's not redundant, oh no).

I should probably be feeling great big gobs of guilt over all of this failing-to-live-up-to-standards, but I don't. I'm getting through the days. There have been few crises in the past few weeks. Sparky's class seems to be going better this time around. Beast is still mostly on the up-tick from last year's drama. The only place I'm feeling agita is in the friendship department.

And, believe it or not, even with all this lackadaisicality (lackadaisicalness?), I have managed to lose about 10 pounds since April. I'm not breaking any speed records, but I really took my doctor's words to heart: just lose it, 5-10 pounds a year is fine, since that's about the rate I've been putting it on. I don't feel like I'm starving, I still eat the occasional (or frequent, this week) ice cream or donut, I'm just eating less. Now that I can't be outside because the allergy thing has kicked in hard, the walking exercise will have to be replaced by ... something. We'll see.

In the short term, Beast and I will be celebrating our anniversary in The Big City for the next couple of days; once again, they'll be shooting off fireworks for us (ha ha), though I'm not sure where or whether we're going to see them. Sparky's home from school for the weekend, but he's headed back before we return home on Saturday. At least he's here long enough to feed the guinea pigs and take the trash out for pickup while we're gone.

Yeah. Basically, I'm waiting. Waiting for what? The other shoe to drop? Katherine & Alan's baby to be born (that's about a month out now)? I don't know. But I do know I have a strong sense of waiting, patiently or not. I'm generally not a "good" wait-er. I get anxious. And bored. But I'm hearing "They also serve who only stand and wait" (Milton) rabbiting through my brain a lot. And I'm trying to be patient in hope that I'll get a clue at some point. I just hope I'm not zoned out or asleep when it zooms past.

2 thing(s) to say:

Kwizgiver said...

I grapple with guilt all the time. Over nonsensical things. I'm glad you're not beating yourself up over silly blog things.

Happy anniversary!

Cat. said...

Thanks! I'm learning, slowly, that I need to be more parsimonious with guilt, but I'm still feeling quite unsettled about some IRL relationships. smh

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